I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
