dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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