During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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