i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just high enough for therapy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
