I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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