You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
