i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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