Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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