my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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