Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can Purell be used as lube?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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