i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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