I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
