totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
