im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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