just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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