My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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