i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
