i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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