1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
