i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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