Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
