"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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