he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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