I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
