my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
