I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My bed smells like the plague
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