so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
