If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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