someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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