..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
