I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
