third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
