Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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