the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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