You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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