I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
