I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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