Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
