this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
