I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
