This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
