my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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