anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Terrible idea I love it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
