if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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