i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
