I just saw a hot homeless man
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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