You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
