My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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