the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have tasted many bathrooms
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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