Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
