we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
