You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
