i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
