We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
