I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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