mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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